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Great First Dates!

What makes a great first date? One might think if you really want to impress a girl, pull out all the stops, but that would be a poor assumption. Big mistake in the dating game!
matchmaker advice for first dates

Problem First Dates

One of my clients told me, based on phone conversations and emails, he really liked the woman we set him up with. He was planning a lavish concert out of town. He had been given the tickets free but was willing to pick up the hotel rooms for each of them.

Whoa, whoa! You haven’t even met her and you are planning an extravagant first date?

I told him to re-think his future plans. It was a little late to change plans for her; that would be a mistake as she was already preparing for the date. His situation inspired this dating tips article.

The reason you don’t want to an extravagant plan a first date is that she may think that you always plan extravagant events for all women; you are always going to spend lavishly on her and moreover not believe it is because you think SHE is special. So save special dates for once you determine if you really like the woman. This strategy will not only make it more believable that you do think she is special, but save you money!

Actions speak volumes.

So what makes a good date?
Now that we’ve established what isn’t a good first date, we need to establish what makes for a great first date!

Your goal in dating should be to have a first date that is full of conversation and fun. Keep it light.

Expectation

Set the expectations for the first date. It is far better to exceed expectations. The old saying “Under promise and over deliver” is the perfect statement in the case of a new relationship!
Dating Expectations to set:
• duration
• consumption
• activity

Choose a Quick First Meeting for Your Date

My best recommendation is to choose a happy hour venue that matches your style, or how you feel about the potential date. Happy hour is a great choice because you can say “Let’s meet for a drink and appetizers”. This sets the duration expectation to around an hour, light food consumption and the activity. You can then assess if you want a second date plus it makes for an easy out if either of you are not enjoying the date.

Another good reason to choose happy hour, besides setting the expectation is that happy hour offers discounted appetizers and drinks plus if you are both enjoying each other then you can suggest staying for dinner. By the way, you don’t have to drink alcohol to go to happy hour. Keep your word and buy an appetizer if that is the expectation you set.

Even if you didn’t originally set the expectation to include any food consumption, should you keep talking and you met just after work be sure to order at least an appetizer for your date. For example, I had a female client that met a man after work they hit it off and kept talking for 3 hours he bought her two drinks but never offered food. While she liked him, once home she reassessed and felt that he would probably not be compatible because he would likely not be compassionate and take care of her in the long run.

If you are absolutely against meeting at a bar, try a coffee meeting. If you are going to buy anything to eat be sure to share! Either buy her a muffin too or cut yours in half. Another female client told me that she had a coffee date with a very attractive man.

She was running a few minutes late and texted him to let him know, he said the line was long anyway to which she told him what coffee drink to order for her. When she got there it was perfect timing the coffee was hot and waiting for her, but the problem was he ordered French toast for himself and never asked her if she wanted anything. But he did offer to share the strawberries. No matter how attracted to him she was, she saw it as a sign of selfishness.

Actions speak volumes.

Time of the Date

It is very important to meet in the evening. Don’t try the lunch date during work. Why? you ask. Dates that take place during the work day have a different feel and don’t necessarily promote romance. As a matter of fact, most people have a difficult time transitioning from work mode to relaxed mode. So you won’t be getting your date’s most authentic personality.

Clothes have the power to change our mood and when we meet for a date in our business attire we hold that business attitude. When you ask a woman on a lunch date you may get a more uptight, aggressive personality than is her true self with friends and family.

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